Carys Comma

Be Strong.

I tell you and your brother that all the time. Usually, somebody is crying or so frustrated with circumstances that it seems like the only way to react. I often fear that I sound like a jerk more than a loving father. Maybe I am both. What I am trying to say to you guys is that the struggles in life are opportunities for us to be strong. During such times we face a stark and brutal choice: we can overcome the injustice or let the injustice overcome us.

The world around us is a bit mixed up about strength. The world spends a lot of time trying to implode and inflict harm. Why? Because we that populate this planet are full of ambition, greed, and worse. So, as an expression of our inner values, we declare the person most apt to kick the crap out of somebody else to be the stronger.

There is a dark honesty toward submitting to the most violent among us. Unfortunately, it makes for a terrible place to live.

There is another way - a better way. There is a deeper and better strength. The deeper strength belongs to the woman who can overcome hatred, to a person who can reconcile. The deepest strength resides in the person who can stand true to their values without violating them at the same time.

But, a word of caution. In our messed up world, the deepest strength is sometimes thought of as weak.

My daughter, I hope you can remember that strength - true strength - is not a measurement of our muscle mass or our ability to endure. Instead, true strength is the measurement of our moral fiber. True strength is a living pronouncement of how dedicated we are to what is right and good.

I so want you to be strong, even if that makes you weak.



Dada

image source: DeviantArt

Caedmon Comma

It is tempting to worry over you and your future.

You are such a sensitive little boy right now. There are times that I will catch just sitting and watching people - enraptured and learning. But, it is not necessary for you to be observing them directly. For, you can be playing or wrapped up in a project and still be listening and learning. You are quick to emulate your peers and repeat the things they say. Rarely are you ever the leader in a social situation. You seem content to sit back and blindly follow.

There are times you do or say the craziest, most random things, and we eventually find that these things have been learned by some friend.

You are sweet and innocent. You know the thrill of belonging and believing. It is so easy for you to find your smile when you are with loud and lively friends. That smile - a merciless deluge of pure joy - I love seeing it.

In fact, the only time you ever seem to assert your independence is when it comes your mom and me. You are more than willing to look skeptically upon our words and promises. There are times that you lash out at us in anger, or sulk away in a resigned, bitter surrender.

You know, we spend so much energy and time trying to keep the horrors of the world away from your field of vision. We try to insulate you from all the mess that weighs us down. But, I see that it has seeped into your life already. This seepage wasn't something we could have easily prevented, for we are its source.

With nausea, I realize that your mom and dad taught you about disappointment and shame. In some weird way, I think we're supposed to teach you such things. It is a part of what a smart guy once called the process of 'individuation.' You become who you are by distinguishing yourself from us.

That's fine. I get it.

But, your deluge smile is so powerful and such an incendiary joy that I wrecked by knowing I could suppressed it in any way. Don't let me or anyone else do that. Embrace your shame, accept the disappointments, and let your deluge smile flood over the world.

Carys Comma

It is not that I am crazy, I'm just numb... constantly.

A long time ago ( I was 17) a bunch of stuff came crashing down on me at once. There was messiness, there was family drama and there was a pretty laughable suicide attempt. People asked me if I wanted to die. I don't know. I think it was just a natural end to the lunacy of my life at the time.

But, I have done fairly well since. I do it for you. You shouldn't ever have to live with somebody who stares through you with a nauseating numbness. You shouldn't be loved by anyone who can hardly get out of bed each day. You are far too beautiful and full of magic to experience such a depressing fate. To me, you are the reality of Almighty God incarnate - the proof of hope.

So, I press on for you, my darling light.


Dada

Caedmon Comma

My Son, you have nowhere to be.

I drive too fast. You may have noticed.

When the cops pull you over and you give them some lame excuse, they always say, 'Well maybe you should've left earlier.' And, of course they are right. But, I speed even if I have plenty of time. I speed when I just take you your sister out on a casual drive.

Why do I drive so fast? Why am I always in a hurry, even if I'm not going anywhere?

I'm starting to realize that I'm  only in a rush when I am not somewhere. I rush when I am between places, even if there is no reason to hurry. I think this silly manic place is a result of an old insecurity:

I want to be somewhere.

When I look in the mirror, I don't want to see some nowhere person, I want to see a man that is somewhere. I prefer to be at my destination than en route. Yet, it seems that I have spent my whole life en route. Life has been full of location changes, job changes, and transitions. All I want is to arrive.

So, I speed, hoping to arrive sooner.

I remember one time when I did not speed. You don't remember it. You were only two days old.

We put your small self in a carseat. We fussed with the buckles and straps and made sure that the blankets were just perfect. Your mom sat in the backseat with you and I climbed behind the driver's seat. I started the car, released the clutch and slowly pulled away. Everything was done carefully. For, I knew that you, the most precious thing in my life, were in the backseat.

We took our sweet time getting back to our house that day. No hurry, no rush. I was cognizant of safety, yes, but I also had a realization. I had nowhere to be. My most pressing destination was tucked into blankets and buckles in the backseat of our slow-moving car.

My son, I hope that you are never driven by destination or insecure about where you are. For, you are the destination.

Carys Comma

My Daughter,

Here is a story about faith:

Once there was a small village that was attacked by a dragon. The dragon crushed houses, killed townspeople and burned the whole village to the ground. Left sitting in the charred remains of her town was a young girl. While mourning her loved ones, the girl resolved to do whatever she could to find some way to defeat the dragon.

Defeating the dragon seemed impossible until she heard people make mention of something called the Old Blade. The Old Blade was a sword that was said to give the wielder abilities to accomplish great feats, like slaying dragons. The problem, though, was that the ancient artifact that had been lost for generations.

Immediately, the girl knew she had found her solution. She vowed before the whole village not to return to her home until the Old Blade was found. Then, she set out to. The quest was not easy. The girl suffered, starved, and fought her way through some of the most difficult terrain and difficult people. From one end of the world to another, she searched and she allowed nothing to stand in her way. She grew strong and became a mighty adventurer. She accomplished deeds that almost seemed magical. Her name became legend.

The girl became a woman as many years passed, and she finally returned to the village. People gathered around her and welcomed her back. They were impressed with her radiant appearance and intimidating confidence. She looked as if she could do anything. They asked if they would now be safe from the Dragon and she answered that they now would. They asked if she had found the Old Blade and she said that she had.

“May we see the magical weapon?” they eagerly asked.

To their shock, she responded by revealing that she did not bring the artifact back with her. Despairing, the people questioned why she would go through so much and then not return with the Blade.

“Because,” the great adventurer responded, “it now seems obsolete.”

May you fear none of this world's dragons, my daughter.

Dad