Caedmon Comma

It is tempting to worry over you and your future.

You are such a sensitive little boy right now. There are times that I will catch just sitting and watching people - enraptured and learning. But, it is not necessary for you to be observing them directly. For, you can be playing or wrapped up in a project and still be listening and learning. You are quick to emulate your peers and repeat the things they say. Rarely are you ever the leader in a social situation. You seem content to sit back and blindly follow.

There are times you do or say the craziest, most random things, and we eventually find that these things have been learned by some friend.

You are sweet and innocent. You know the thrill of belonging and believing. It is so easy for you to find your smile when you are with loud and lively friends. That smile - a merciless deluge of pure joy - I love seeing it.

In fact, the only time you ever seem to assert your independence is when it comes your mom and me. You are more than willing to look skeptically upon our words and promises. There are times that you lash out at us in anger, or sulk away in a resigned, bitter surrender.

You know, we spend so much energy and time trying to keep the horrors of the world away from your field of vision. We try to insulate you from all the mess that weighs us down. But, I see that it has seeped into your life already. This seepage wasn't something we could have easily prevented, for we are its source.

With nausea, I realize that your mom and dad taught you about disappointment and shame. In some weird way, I think we're supposed to teach you such things. It is a part of what a smart guy once called the process of 'individuation.' You become who you are by distinguishing yourself from us.

That's fine. I get it.

But, your deluge smile is so powerful and such an incendiary joy that I wrecked by knowing I could suppressed it in any way. Don't let me or anyone else do that. Embrace your shame, accept the disappointments, and let your deluge smile flood over the world.