Caedmon Comma

Dark Guile

If I left you, it was just an illusion. I doubt I was ever there. I wanted to be with you for every breath, but always I would slip away - back into my terror-drenched amnesia. I never want to leave you. But, I am always pulled away by the slow beat of the drummer, calling for retreat.

You are the enemy I find in the mirror. You are the villain of my heart and the enemy that resides in the depths of my soul. Every time you look at me - through me - with your knowing eyes, I want to run from you stark and afraid by the truth I see.

All your power vexes me in our closest moments. During our rare embraces, I am filled with horror and fear and immeasurable love. All my shame, guilt, and sin throbs and nauseates as the thrill of your grace rushes in my life.

It is all too much. You are far too holy for me. So, I run headlong as far away as I can, to find some cold addiction and feed my foolish guile.

'I love you, Dada..'

Don't say that, my son. It is more than I can bare and more than I deserve. It is too holy for one who has yet to be absolved by the enemy in the mirror.